awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
