she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize