Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
