Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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