I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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