So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
