Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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