so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
