At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
50% drunk capacity currently
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
