Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize