You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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