Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
