There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
