So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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