whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
