My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
