Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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