what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
