Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
