i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
