We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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