at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
