Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
