i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
