I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize