Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
