i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
