Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
