Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
