I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
