marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
