ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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