He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
