I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
