Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Floor bacon is actually really good
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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