you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
