we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
