I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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