I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
