Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All the doctor said was why
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
