OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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