if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
