So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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