I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
