how can u be prego again
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
