is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
