I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
