ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
