And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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