margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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