Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
