shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
