But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
