Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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