uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
