You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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