U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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