Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
