I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize