Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
