Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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