You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You took a bar mat shot.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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