im having a threesome with these popsicles
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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