wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
