I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
