I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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