Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
