It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
