can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
