Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
