Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
