my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
