if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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