Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
