he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
