sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
