stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
