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I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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