guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
