yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
