i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
