quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
