i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
