yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
