I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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