I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize