Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
