the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
