umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
