i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
