I'm going to jail i love you
where does the pee come out of this thing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
