Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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