The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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