me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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