She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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