I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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