Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
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