She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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