Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
