I feel great
I just peed on a car
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
