I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my liver is dry heaving
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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