Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize