I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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