So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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