I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize