remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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