I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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