So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
