At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
