Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
