no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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