the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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