I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
