Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
