i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
