I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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