Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
