I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Holy sore nipples Batman
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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