I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
