i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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