New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
