my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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