Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
