i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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