I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
