I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
