I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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