hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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