The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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