I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So much rum. So many feels.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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