She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
